Thanatos (θάνατος)
by dnelle
Summary: Even the most "emotionless" of all humans can still feel love-and pain.


Sheldon heard the door to Penny's apartment slam, and knew something was very wrong.

A lot of people thought of Sheldon as an emotionless robot who thought of no one but himself. Even he thought he wasn't capable of loving another human being. But his neighbor, Penny, was different. She was the love of his life, if such a thing existed. Only he knew. She would never.

Penny was sitting in her bathtub fully clothed, the cold water from the shower washing away her pain, physically and emotionally.

"Oh, dear Lord," Sheldon said as he found her. Her mascara was running down her face, leaving long black trails. Her arms were full of scratches, her clothes were torn, and she was shaking. "Penny-"

"Get out," she cried. "Get out, Sheldon."

He shook his head then stepped into the tub to help her up. "Please don't cry," he almost pleaded. But her tears were still falling, and Sheldon was now also wet by the shower.

"Please, Sheldon," she said between sniffs. He waited for her next words, but they didn't come. So she held her, tightly, while she cried and cried. He knew nothing about comforting people, but he knew she liked hugs. And whatever she liked, he'd give.

He led him out of the shower and sat her on the closed toilet, where he used a towel to dry her off. He was dripping wet too, but his main concern was Penny. He carefully dried her hair and wrapped another towel around her, trying to stop her shivering.

"I-" She tried speaking, but no words came out. "Shhh," he replied, smiling gently down at her. "Um.. You need to get out of those clothes," he said awkwardly.

Penny sighed, trying desperately to forget what had happened that night. "Okay," she replied. He turned around so she could undress privately, but he couldn't help himself, and looked at the mirror for a second. Naked Penny wasn't any different to him than dressed Penny-she looked beautiful either way. "You need to go get dressed too, you know," she said as she wrapped herself with a bathrobe.

"I... could deal with that later," he replied. He offered his hand and led her to the bed, where he tucked her in. "Go to sleep," he said.

She pressed her lips. "I don't think I can," she replied.

So he sang Soft Kitty to her until she fell asleep. He went back to his apartment to change, but came back to hers to watch her sleep. He could get used to taking care of her forever.

* * *

Penny got up and shook hands with Dr. Miller, her OB-GYN. "Thanks," she smiled. "I'll be back in another couple months."

Dr. Miller nodded. "Are you sure you want to do all of this alone?" She asked. "Maybe you could ask the father to come with you or..."

"No," she cut her doctor off. "I can do this alone."

The good doctor smiles. "Alright, then."

She drove home and sunk into her couch, where she proceeded to rub her showing belly. "Hey, little baby. Please don't give mommy a hard time. I've had enough of hard times to last me a lifetime..."

* * *

The morning sickness and the cravings slowly begin to appear. Penny tries to do stuff herself, but every time she does, she gets nauseous.

She called Sheldon, and he came rushing in, ready to ease her pains. There was nothing she asked that he didn't give, because, well, he loved her. He loved her, he loved her baby. He didn't care who the father of the baby was, didn't care for the baby father's reason on why he wasn't taking care of Penny and their baby. He was there, and he hoped him being there helped Penny.

She wouldn't tell him, but it did.

* * *

Sheldon spent most of his days in her apartment, cleaning up after her, bringing her whatever she craved-be it pickles or olives or pancakes served with spaghetti drenched in maple syrup. He was the perfect husband-slash-father, and she couldn't be happier. Sheldon was great, she and the baby were great, life was ok again.

Or so she thought.

"Penny, you're bleeding!" Sheldon exclaimed as he grabbed her car keys from her bedside. He has been learning how to drive to prepare himself for when Penny gives birth. He didn't realize he would need to use his driving skills this early. "Hospital. Now."

She lay motionless on the pristine white bed, looking up at Sheldon who was holding her hand. Dr. Miller had just left, leaving the two alone in the gloomy, silent room. "Are you okay?" He asks.

"I'm fine," she replies. But she had never been a good actress, he thought regrettably. He sat beside her on the bed, took her into his arms, and rocked her gently.

"I..." She began. "I lost the baby." Sheldon felt his heart tighten. "I lost my baby, Sheldon."

He kissed the top of her head. "I know... I'm sorry..."

She sighed, and Sheldon felt the wetness of her tears on his shirt when she started to cry. "I lost my baby, Sheldon! I... I thought I was going to be a mommy. I read to him and I sang to him and I talked to him everyday and..." She choked on her tears.

Sheldon held her tighter, as if loosening would make her slip through his arms. He didn't know what to say. To him, it wasn't just her baby-it was his, too. And the pain she was feeling? He felt it too.

Penny cried harder, and he kept his hold on her. "I'm sorry. I'm getting tears and snot all on your shirt." She tried stopping her tears, but to no avail.

"Cry all you want, Penny," he whispered. "You've been strong for too long. The rape, the unwanted pregnancy, the loss of your child... Those are all something to cry about."

And so she did. She cried until she felt numb. "I couldn't have done all this without you, Sheldon."

"Well," he replied. "I wouldn't have left either way."

She kissed him, and, as he kissed back, all was right in Penny's world.

* * *

Nothing could have prepared Sheldon for what happened next.

He was an atheist, but he found himself praying-pleading-with an entity he once disregarded.

All to save his Penny.

She once again laid in the pristine bed, just days later. Sheldon was trying so hard to be strong, but Penny, frail and exhausted, tugged at his heart. Weak, she grasped his hand and held it as tight as she possibly could, but it wasn't strong enough for him.

An infection. She's been so strong all her life, just to die because of an infection.

"It's okay to cry, sweetie," she whispered. "You've been strong for so long..."

For the first time in his life, Sheldon cried, having lost all that ever mattered to him more than science.

He cried, and the grasp on his hand weakened. For once, Sheldon knew that he was capable of loving another human being.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi! Sorry for the looong break, I've been really busy, geez. Anyways, sorry if this story is a bit dark. It's just... really close to my heart in a way. But my next story will be immensely lighter, promise. :-)**

 **I do not own TBBT! :-)**


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